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cjssysWe had the body's birthday yesterday. Almost no longer a minor. But that isn't the point of this entry.
As the birthday approached we had another fluctuation in fronting patterns, more people awake at the back and more people fronting. And the type of people changed. Many younger children made themselves known (as well as a handful of their caretakers dragged along for the ride.)
This has, you can imagine, been rather distressing and stressful. Lots of arguments had erupted and the others in front eventually sort of gave up and started only playing when it really mattered.
Funnily enough, despite a period of extra activity, memory loss, and internal communication, now the birthday has passed we are dealing with a lot of denial. It is difficult. I am very tired of this cycle.
There is a suspicion we are bipolar. Bipolar type two, probably. The overall cycle of our moods, hyper, project taking and super social, and then long periods of inactivity, tiredness, and different patterns, seem to match. I wonder if there is any writing about how Bipolar affects a system and their structure. Have we written here about the push and pull nature of most of our functions? Mickey, RIP by the way I don't think we ever acknowledged him like that, thought he had Bipolar Personality Disorder, not Bipolar Disorder, but then again he was entirely unaware of the system. We thought it was very obvious we did not have BPD because we were clearly 'just a multiple' but now I wonder.....the black/white thinking would be a reflection. But still, I say no, probably just over pathologizing. Also you can have traits without meeting the diagnostic standards so it is probably just a relation. BPD havers and plurals often relate and intertwine a little bit anyways so it is probably just nothing.
Anyways, a creative project has been forming. It's been a want for a while. I honestly do not think it will go well but it will be an experience and we have nothing to do this summer anyways so that will at least fill time.
—
There is an idealism that we want to accept and cooperate with everyone here. But there is a nagging feeling that it shall not happen, that we will have to be sensible and cut our losses. That it would be best. We see it in others, and no we do not begrudge them, but it’s a sinking feeling for those few. But ah, whatever.
As the birthday approached we had another fluctuation in fronting patterns, more people awake at the back and more people fronting. And the type of people changed. Many younger children made themselves known (as well as a handful of their caretakers dragged along for the ride.)
This has, you can imagine, been rather distressing and stressful. Lots of arguments had erupted and the others in front eventually sort of gave up and started only playing when it really mattered.
Funnily enough, despite a period of extra activity, memory loss, and internal communication, now the birthday has passed we are dealing with a lot of denial. It is difficult. I am very tired of this cycle.
There is a suspicion we are bipolar. Bipolar type two, probably. The overall cycle of our moods, hyper, project taking and super social, and then long periods of inactivity, tiredness, and different patterns, seem to match. I wonder if there is any writing about how Bipolar affects a system and their structure. Have we written here about the push and pull nature of most of our functions? Mickey, RIP by the way I don't think we ever acknowledged him like that, thought he had Bipolar Personality Disorder, not Bipolar Disorder, but then again he was entirely unaware of the system. We thought it was very obvious we did not have BPD because we were clearly 'just a multiple' but now I wonder.....the black/white thinking would be a reflection. But still, I say no, probably just over pathologizing. Also you can have traits without meeting the diagnostic standards so it is probably just a relation. BPD havers and plurals often relate and intertwine a little bit anyways so it is probably just nothing.
Anyways, a creative project has been forming. It's been a want for a while. I honestly do not think it will go well but it will be an experience and we have nothing to do this summer anyways so that will at least fill time.
—
There is an idealism that we want to accept and cooperate with everyone here. But there is a nagging feeling that it shall not happen, that we will have to be sensible and cut our losses. That it would be best. We see it in others, and no we do not begrudge them, but it’s a sinking feeling for those few. But ah, whatever.
